Friday, June 8, 2012

Whatcha Thinking About????

guys i'm sure you've been in this situation before:

you're just sitting on the couch watching some tv and your girlfriend suddenly perks up and asks the dreaded question, "so, what are you thinking about". Here is the scenario

her: what are you thinking about?
you(bewildered look): ummm nothing
her: you can't just be thinking about nothing!!!

ladies a man says nothing when you ask this question for 2 possible reasons:

1. the most obvious reason is that we are really not thinking about anything. really it's true. yes this is possible. the reason being is that for the most part, we don't need to rack our brains over shit that we don't have control over. we are not thinking about what color our bridesmaid's dresses will be in our unplanned wedding. we are not thinking of names for our future children. we just want to sit here and enjoy the episode of "the first 48"

2. sometimes we are thinking of something, but it's probably either a.) not very interesting to you or b.) it's something that you really don't want to hear. in the instance of b.) we don't tell you because we want to avoid a fight or a bloody lip. here are some examples:

a.) i would really like a sandwich right now

b.) i wonder what it would be like to have sex with her sister (you can replace this with best friend or any other hot girl that you know)

a.) how can i fart without her smelling and/or hearing it

b.) i really dislike her mother

a.) i wonder if i could drink a gallon of milk in an hour

b.) did i say dislike..i really fucking hate her intrusive mother

Ladies save yourself some disappointment and us some aggravation, don't ask this question. 99% of the time the answer we will give will not be what you want to hear.  if we wanted you to know what we were thinking, you more than likely wouldn't have to ask us. 

Friday, March 16, 2012

OHHHH You mean I can't handle crazy. You are absolutely correct!!!

i'm sure you've been cruising along Facebook and at one point seen this quote in someone's status. so let's break this famous Marilyn Monroe quote down.

“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.”
Marilyn Monroe

1. most people are in denial of just how crazy they are and because of the denial, they will not take measures to try to lessen the craziness

2. because of said craziness, some shit just shouldn't be dealt with....PERIOD!!

3. i'm pretty sure because of the denial of aforementioned craziness, the bad times outweigh the good. that means it's time to move on!!!

4. if you find yourself posting this quote in your status more than once, you might want to consider the common denominator in the situation. you are probably in denial about how crazy you are!!!

in summation, most people use this quote just to make themselves feel better about the situation and in most situations shift blame to the other party. the quote itself denotes craziness. stop using this quote!!! it only makes you look crazier than what you probably are. Marilyn Monroe was a beautiful woman, no doubt. she was not a role model. she was an adulterer. taking love advice from Marilyn Monroe is like getting drug rehab advice from Whitney Houston.

Sunday, July 3, 2011

Things I Don't Get!!!

michael jackson- how he went from being a black man to a white woman

catholicism- it's kind of cultish to me

smoking- most everyone that does it says they hate doing it...but they do it anyway!!

breast implants- some people should just work on their personality first, try reading a book or maybe get plastic surgery on facial features. remember, nose job before bewbs if you're going to do it!! they complain about wanting a man to look them in the eyes...well if your tits are popping out of your turtleneck you might want to re-evaluate some things.

masculinity of women- since when did it become an attractive quality in women to become frat boys? you being a football "fan" is not a selling point!!! although i think that it's important to try to stay in being a "beast" in the gym and going "hard as a mother" is not really attractive

ol' man & ol' lady- this is a term that just irks me and i don't know why

independent women- i get that you want to do things for yourself & not depend on anyone else, but independent does not = bitchy attitude

bbw- one of the most overused terms EVER. there is no doubt that there are some big women that are beautiful, but just because you're big does not automatically fit you into this category

sex- as often as i would like it!!!

that is all....for now!!!

Friday, June 10, 2011

True Heroes!!!

i've been meaning to write this post for about a month now. i'm a little bored at work right now, so i decided to post. as some of you know in early May i was summoned by the catastrophe gods to Lees Summit, Missouri. Lees Summit is right near Kansas City on the border of Missouri & Kansas. ok enough with the geography lesson. i will get to the meat & potatoes. when you show up at the catastrophe site, they tell you be empathetic, but not to get too personal with the policy holders. sometimes this is very hard to do & this is why:

it was a friday and a little after noon. as we drove up to the house, there was a older wiry gentleman wearing overalls standing in his driveway. his home had recently been battered by a pretty severe hail storm. we approach him and go through the formal introductions..blah blah blah. i guess he noticed i kinda have an accent and the following dialogue took place:

OWG: where are you from?

Me: the New Orleans area

OWG: (chuckles)yeah i thought so.  i was there after Katrina. me & my church group volunteered to go gut houses & rebuild them. i sold my show car & with the money, i bought a bobcat & a trailer to go help out.

Me:  oh really? whereabouts did you work?

OWG: do you know where St. Bernard Parish is located?

Me: i grew up there

OWG: so i guess you know where Violet is?

Me: that's where i'm from. did you work in Violet?

OWG: yep i used to go to the poydras hardware store twice a day. we were working in Riverbend subdivision

Me: that's the neighborhood i grew up in!!!! i lived on Reunion Street.

OWG: we did 11 houses in Riverbend.

Me: it's a small world!!! on behalf of new orleans i can't thank you enough. 

after that brief exchange we walked around inspecting his home for hail damage.  the whole time he was telling me stories about the time he spent in new orleans. even in the state that it was in, he fell in love with new orleans and was genuinely concerned about the city & it's residents. i assured him that new orleans was making a comeback & it will be better than ever. he said he was going to bring his wife here next year. i welcomed him with open arms. on parting i probably thanked him 10 more times for what he did for our city.

sometimes in life you meet people on chance & they make you appreciate the things you have, the things we take for granted on a daily basis. they make you have hope for humanity. they make you realize that there are still heroes in the world. they don't wear uniforms & play on sundays. they don't demand millions of dollars.  they wear faded overalls & come help a city & it's people in their time of need.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

This Girl is Bat Shit Crazy!!!

it's rough in the dating world these days!! dealing with shit like this makes it almost impossible.  i'm hoping this is a joke. if not, she will be the crazy cat lady in her neighborhood. it is a pretty funny video!!!

Monday, May 30, 2011

This Kid is Amazing!!

when i was 5 i was still picking my nose and digging my drawers out of my ass!!! this kid seriously rocks!!

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Beauty Fades & Dumb is Forever!!!

This is not aimed towards anyone in particular.  It's just a general statement because I see it pretty often on FB.

Before you go and bash your ex in your FB status you might want to consider the following:

1) at some point you chose to be with them

2) either a friend or family member has said the same thing about your ex & you either denied it or took up for them

c) there is a 78% chance that you will end up back together and/or sleeping with them  again

All of the above make you look like a moron. Let's not be morons boys and girls.

This bit of wisdom brought to you by Scott J Dalon